Ronald McDonald Identity Crisis

If the recent horse-meat scandal made a lot of people uncomfortable about the content of their meat-based foods, bear in mind things could be worse. Soylent Green worse!
According to a recent article that’s been causing a stir on Dailybuzzlive.com, forensics investigators allegedly found human meat in the freezers of an Oklahoma City McDonald’s meat factory.

Human meat was also allegedly been recovered in several trucks that were on their way to deliver to the fast food outlets. According to various reports, forensics investigators have inspected factories and restaurants across the country and have found human meat in a whopping 90% of the locations. FBI agent Lloyd Harrison has, according to Huzler reporters, said “The worst part is that it’s not only human meat, it’s child meat. The body parts were deemed too small to be adult.” Forensic examinations were reported to be underway.

This story seems a little too outrageous even by modern standards and may in fact be a hoax; particularly given that the initial source of the ‘scare’ (huzler.com) is known to put out fake stories. But an obvious question: if this report is true, where is the supply of human burger fodder coming from? And how many children are missing or unaccounted for in Oklahoma City, for example? While most likely a hoax in any case, the story has nevertheless been widely circulated and repeated and, like Chinese whispers, taken on additional narratives along the way, such as notions of Illuminati ‘blood sacrifice’, etc.

Which becomes a perfect illustration of how almost-instantaneously an unsubstantiated story or idea spreads in the modern Global Village and how predictably and more or less habitually someone furnishes it with prevailing conspiracy or folklore narratives – and then how quickly that idea circulates too. The Internet is a treasure trove of information and exchange, independent journalism and cutting-edge ideas; however, it is also riddled with false information, rumour and outright lies, making it easier than ever before for false information to be disseminated, reproduced and to evolve.

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On the other hand, it’s understandable we’re very suspicious of what’s in fast-food meat products given recent revelations. I just hope Milhouse is okay; when Principal Skinner and the other teachers started cooking Springfield school children and serving them in the cafeteria, Milhouse you might recall didn’t escape the horror, poor kid.

Meanwhile, in the jungle…
Meanwhile, speaking of cannibalism, deep in the jungles of Papua New Guinea the so-called “True Christ” has been hacked to death by angry villagers in the ‘Madang province’, according to an August 22nd article in The Independent.

Stephen Tari was the leader of a 6,000-strong sect. ‘Religious sect’ is the polite term; vicious cannibal and rape cult would be more accurate, according to the hair-raising stories surrounding Tari and his followers. Among other highly inventive crimes, the 40 year-old “True Christ” had been accused in the past of raping, murdering and eating three girls in front of their mothers.

His numerous ‘disciples’ and ‘flower girls’ had been unable to prevent Tari’s imprisonment for a particularly brutal rape; but having escaped prison and returned to his home village Gal, the prophet murdered yet another woman and this time the village inhabitants decided enough was enough and surrounded Tari, hacking him to death. Life is stranger than fiction.

I’m guessing the jungles of Papa New Guinea are not going to be a popular tourist destination any time this century. On the other hand, it occurs to me that this would be a much better setting for future series’ of ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!’. Not that I watch that show, but I highly advocate sending the next batch of celebrities to Madang Province instead of Australia; it seems to me that the threat of cannibalism and murder might raise the entertainment value substantially. And instead of eating kangaroo testicles, the contestants could be eating the latest human sacrifices.

I’m probably being sarcastic; but actually, you know, I’m not even sure anymore. By the way, I’m not suggesting the two stories – the Cannibal Rapist Messiah and the McDonald’s human meat story – are related. I’m not suggesting Stephen Tari’s remains were in the Big Mac you ate last week. They’re two completely unrelated stories. As far as I know. Sleep tight.

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